A very silent 2025

What is to chatter? It is the annulment of the passionate disjunction between silent and speaking. Only the person who can remain essentially silent can speak essentially, can act essentially. Silence is inwardness. Chattering gets ahead of essential speaking, and giving utterance to reflection has a weakening effect on action by getting ahead of it. But the person who can speak essentially because he is able to keep silent will not have a profusion of things to speak about but one thing only, and he will find time to speak and to keep silent.

— Soren Kierkegaard

Probably the biggest lesson I've learned in the last three years was to appreciate what you already have even if you aspire more. It is true that things could be better, but they could be one hell of a lot worse. And the one practical advice I can give, far from original, might be that you will not find solutions, but only trade-offs at most.

Earlier this month I watched a video by a Brazilian guy, who clearly wasn't anywhere near rich, though not particularly poor either, and he was comparing the lives of those in high and low income areas, according both to what he remembered from childhood and what he was seeing in his early 30s. His conclusion was that richer people tend to be more silent, and poor people tended to be scandalous, always partying because they supposedly wanted to show the world how happy they are. But is that really happiness?

On one hand, it was just one more example of something I'd already thought about — whenever we're resentful about something, we try very hard to prove others everything's actually fine and dandy. But of course it isn't, or else we wouldn't be trying to prove it so hard. However, on another hand it also shows that people don't know how to deal with silence. Blaise Pascal has said that "all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone" and I think that might be onto something.

My last two years have been very silent. It was at times excruciating being by myself thinking about possibilities that could only fall down from heaven (and at times did!) without seeing any doors to move on. At the same time it was the opportunity I needed to give up on much of my own moralism, greed and pride and actually evaluate myself as someone who shouldn't be taken too seriously. Anger I used to have towards myself would reflect in my reaction to the external world, and the more I got stripped down of this false perception, the more tolerant I became. It gets to a point where you get more patient with other people's mistakes because you know that you yourself either could make them or do even worse.

It's in silence that I found out who I really am and learned to both forgive myself and forgive others. I learned to appreciate the "miracle of the mundane", as Jordan Peterson recently put in his most recent interview on Lex Fridman, by realizing how worse things could be. Why complain about something I don't have and probably cannot have for the moment when there are things that I do have and do come in handy? Because I over focused on what was wrong, I was blind to all the precious gems and nuggets that I took for granted. Not everything needs to be perfect all the time, and when you really think about it, much of what we already have is nothing short of miraculous.

Recently, with the help of a friend, I noticed that although it didn't made itself manifest in a material way, all I had was greed and pride. Did I really deserve whatever else I did not have instead of what I did have? Should I really want more and more and more without ever giving in? Did I really have to be so decided in not bargaining a few trade-offs with my own destiny? Do I really deserve more? What do I do to deserve more? Who judges if I do deserve more or less? Me? Isn't that a bit biased? Maybe the opposite of greed is to appreciate what you have when you have it, even if things aren't perfect. Thinking you deserve more is a lie. We all have exactly what we planted in the past.

And that's what I found in silence. You may find, along with all of that, a lot of melancholia too. Actually, melancholia might be the single thing you wanted to avoid listening to with all that noise and all those distractions. What nobody tells you is that she's a good companion, ironically. You may feel lonesome at times, but because you gave melancholia an opportunity to show herself, she ironically becomes your pal in these moments. Give her a chance.

I remember being confronted with bishop Robert Barron's take on "Like a Rolling Stone" for the first time. Over ten years ago (I'm getting old!) one of my web friends sent a video of his on the subject and, unlike most of what I'd heard about the song, he gave an unique perspective. Usually, it's read as beating a dead horse — oh, Miss Lonely!, why would you commit the worst of sins, destroying and betraying yourself for nothing? But what if the message in synthesized in the line "when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose"? Does it not imply a rebirth from the ashes? How does it feel?

Norm Macdonald talks a little about this in the practical context of betting, both in casinos or in sports, saying he's never felt more free than after losing everything, and he once ended up losing 400000 dollars in one go (I invite you to count the number of zeros). He realized his life had to reboot and he went out to have a coffee, contemplating he had a new path to carve. Though I never came close to losing that much money, I've lost some in the past, though it wasn't nearly as drastic. It's awful, horrible, but if you're willing to take a look at the doors that open and perspectives that start manifesting, you probably learn something to take through life.

If "Like a Rolling Stone" is more aggressive in its hopeful truth-telling idea of being free from your shackles, its B-side is a softer, gentler version of this nadir. "Queen Jane Approximately could be a direct continuation, and even suggests Miss Lonely a solution — Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

If you just pay attention, you'll find things you should appreciate more and you'll see people willing to help.

Now when all of the flower ladies want back what they have lent you
And the smell of their roses does not remain
And all of your children start to resent you
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Now when all the clowns that you have commissioned
Have died in battles or in vain
And you're sick of all this repetition
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Now when all the bandits that you turned your other cheek to
All lay down their bandanas and complain
And you want somebody you don't have to speak to
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Happy 2025, friends! :)